Western Migration
We’re moving.
I’ve been holding off posting anything blog-wise about this news for fear that there might be a chance that someone I don’t know about could be maybe following this blog, and that sharing this news could have negative repercussions. Specifically, career-wise. Because I haven’t told my work yet. And won’t for another week or so.
Thing is, I need an outlet. I need to talk about this and share it with friends (and complete strangers) or else I might just go batshit crazy.
So, at the risk of this biting me in the ass later, I’m just going to put it out there.
We’re MOVING!!
To Colorado.
Denver, specifically.
Well, somewhere in the Denver area.
The hubs and I have been itching to leave the DC area, which we’ve both respectively called “home” for 7 years now. We’re getting to that age and place in our lives when we’re wanting to start a family, and in our a-type, planner personalities, that one, big question snowballed into lots of little questions creating quite the blizzard. When all was said and done, neither of us wanted to raise our family here; so, if not here, then where?
Thankfully, my husband was able to approach this idea pretty openly with his employer – which happens to be the Federal Government. His agency happens to have an office outside of Denver. Because of this, in the back of our minds, we thought that Colorado might be an option for us. An intriguing option for me, in particular, as I grew up next door to Colorado, just north in Wyoming. While I never would have admitted it 7 years ago, I love the idea of returning to the Rocky Mountains. I really do miss nature and believe it or not, “small town folk”. While they may be conservative, they look out for each other. That’s something that I’ve missed living out here on the East coast. Plus the cost of living is half of what it is here in DC, and our hard earned dollar will stretch a lot farther out there.
So, the hubs pretty much laid it out explaining to the higher ups at his agency that we were wanting to relocate, we were investigating our options, and would Colorado be a possibility. Lucky for us, it is. His position is being transferred, and it looks like our last day in Maryland will be October 31. And they’re picking up the moving tab (whew).
But I didn’t really want to get into the details of how/why/when/where we’re moving. I wanted to get into the fact that now that it’s happening, I am scared out of my mind.
I’m also super excited. VERY excited. And definitely happy with this decision. Not regretful. But I’m going to be leaving my job, which is fine and good, but what I’m going to do next…I just don’t know. We want to start a family, but we’re just not sure how long it will take us to get settled in and get on the baby band wagon, and in the meantime, as we figure that out, just WHAT am I going to do with myself. You see, the luxury about this move is that I won’t HAVE to work. A concept that’s completely foreign to me. We won’t be rolling around naked in money a la Donald Trump, no, but we’ll still be able to live comfortably without my salary. So, with that safety net, just WHAT should I do?
I’ve thought about working in a cupcake shop. Or Starbucks.
But then I pay my student loan bill and question whether I could really feel good about myself if I did that.
And that feeling raised new questions for me. I’ve always identified myself as what I DO, not who I AM. I have a pretty firm grasp on my personal identity, and maybe this is just the impact DC has had on me, but I’m having a really difficult time now trying to identify myself without occupation. Or with occupation, but just not the occupation that is expected of me. It’s like, once you remove “work” from the equation, something doesn’t add up.
Isn’t that odd?
In my nearly 30 years of life, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way. It’s liberating and terrifying and I’m worried that I’m spending way too much time focusing on it. Am I letting all those women down who worked so had for me to have all that I have? Or is it because of those very women that I’m in this position where I have a CHOICE? Not since graduating High School have I had this kind of feeling of hope and anxiety all mixed up together. And as we figure out and coordinate this big move (both physical and emotional), I suddenly find myself clinging to my “work”. At the same time, I equally loathe going to the office every day. Doesn’t seem possible, right? I’m a crazy lady, right?
Maybe.
Change – as invigorating as it is – can be scary.
